A dream IS a wish your heart makes

My dream last night was extraordinarily enjoyable. As is common in my dreams, there was plenty of spanish but this time i wasn't speaking for only myself. Sino que Rachel and i were translating for our entire family since we had taken a family vacation to Uruguay. I think i will consider this dream prophetic. Except for the part that we stayed in a tent on the beach. It was cold and windy. We also found a restaurant in Uruguay that made good pizza! now that is a dream...a dream that i sadly see as utter fantasy.

just being

I have been thinking a lot about why we stress ourselves out over various situations. sometimes i just have to ask myself, "why?" Why do i get all worked up about certain things? Why do i hate being uncomfortable so much? What is so bad about being right where i am? I'm always trying to live in the future. "then i will be happy." right Rach? I think i came to the unsettling realization that i don't believe life will ever be comfortable. maybe there will be a few days here and there of pure sunshine, but there always seems to be something. I feel an incredible pressure to conquer and destroy all things uncomfortable and uncertain. oh you don't know what you want to be when you grow up??? what?!?! you're 22! you need to know NOW! Can't have that. Not acceptable. You fail. Can't i just accept my situations for what they are and live them? I don't have to have control over everything right now. Can't i just experience it? It's as if sometimes we fall into a hole and we spend all of our energy frantically scraping at the sides trying to get out, when really, is being in the hole all that bad? Can't you just be in a hole for a while with the knowledge that someday you will be able to get out of that hole? Being that this world is filled with holes, it's likely we will fall in another, so why do we hate being in holes so much? Sometimes i think we focus too much on overcoming the present and living in some unrealistic future realm where things are better, that we never really stop long enough to assess our situation. chances are it's not as bad as it looks. like the pile of clothes that takes a monstrous form when absorbed in a tired glance. i just want to be more of a calm experiencer. I just want to be where i am and be okay with it. i want to love myself for everything that i am and be okay with the fact that I'm not yet everything i would like to be. Just being would be nice. oh and Rachel, you are so cool. You're not a fool. in fact i would say you are cool like ice.