Center

i was thinking about waiting til next month to write a new blog so i could make this a monthly thing, but i just felt like typing out some of what I've been thinking about this past week. In one of my classes last week we watched this movie about Chinese medicine and how it differs from Western medicine. Western philosophy seems to be if you have a problem, get rid of it, cut it out, cure it now, fix the problem and make me normal again. The Chinese approach it very differently. It's more of a calm acceptance and experience. Sure they use certain aspects of Western medicine, but not as much as i thought. The part that really grabbed my attention was all the work they did with "chi" or "vital life force." In this hospital there were patients dealing with the same life threatening diseases that we deal with, but there were entire wings where these patients were sitting and meditating and practicing finding their chi and moving it. Or doctors using their own chi to manipulate the chi of their patients. One of the doctors said, "When you have a disease, don't try to cure it. Find your center." That sentence made sense to me. I don't know if it made enough sense to me to try it if i am ever diagnosed with cancer, but...This last fast Sunday was filled with some heavy testimonies. Not that it's bad, but they were just kinda heavy. We all have our trials and our hard times, and it seems to me that when we focus on them and try to overcome them and rid our lives of them, we throw our lives even more out of balance. I think there is truth in that when we are struggling, physically , emotionally, socially, or whatever it may be, we would do well, to not try to cure it, but to find our center instead, who is Jesus Christ, the center of all things. I don't know. Take it for what it's worth. It's easier said than done. Oh, and they also use packages of herbs to put in soups as prescriptions.

High Class

Emily puts on a good dance party. I haven't danced like that for years. It felt pretty good. Thanks Emily!



I think some of the credit has to go to the amazing stretch pants that i found. Those are some good dancing pants...as long as it is good and dark.

A dream IS a wish your heart makes

My dream last night was extraordinarily enjoyable. As is common in my dreams, there was plenty of spanish but this time i wasn't speaking for only myself. Sino que Rachel and i were translating for our entire family since we had taken a family vacation to Uruguay. I think i will consider this dream prophetic. Except for the part that we stayed in a tent on the beach. It was cold and windy. We also found a restaurant in Uruguay that made good pizza! now that is a dream...a dream that i sadly see as utter fantasy.

just being

I have been thinking a lot about why we stress ourselves out over various situations. sometimes i just have to ask myself, "why?" Why do i get all worked up about certain things? Why do i hate being uncomfortable so much? What is so bad about being right where i am? I'm always trying to live in the future. "then i will be happy." right Rach? I think i came to the unsettling realization that i don't believe life will ever be comfortable. maybe there will be a few days here and there of pure sunshine, but there always seems to be something. I feel an incredible pressure to conquer and destroy all things uncomfortable and uncertain. oh you don't know what you want to be when you grow up??? what?!?! you're 22! you need to know NOW! Can't have that. Not acceptable. You fail. Can't i just accept my situations for what they are and live them? I don't have to have control over everything right now. Can't i just experience it? It's as if sometimes we fall into a hole and we spend all of our energy frantically scraping at the sides trying to get out, when really, is being in the hole all that bad? Can't you just be in a hole for a while with the knowledge that someday you will be able to get out of that hole? Being that this world is filled with holes, it's likely we will fall in another, so why do we hate being in holes so much? Sometimes i think we focus too much on overcoming the present and living in some unrealistic future realm where things are better, that we never really stop long enough to assess our situation. chances are it's not as bad as it looks. like the pile of clothes that takes a monstrous form when absorbed in a tired glance. i just want to be more of a calm experiencer. I just want to be where i am and be okay with it. i want to love myself for everything that i am and be okay with the fact that I'm not yet everything i would like to be. Just being would be nice. oh and Rachel, you are so cool. You're not a fool. in fact i would say you are cool like ice.

me and my pony tail

many people may ask what i am doing creating a blog and to those people i say, "because i have a pony tail." You see, for my entire life i have entrusted my head to a certain talented artist who would sculpt the clay of my scalp with skill and precision. However, she has now left me for uglier, browner, and coincidently, warmer pastures. Since her departure i have not been able to build up the courage to let someone else touch the hairs of my head in hopes that someday i will see her again and my loyatly to her touch will win her heart. In summation, the nice point that was once was carved in the name of style, is now long enough to distract me in class as it twirls around my fingers. oh Rachel...how i miss thee.