Wednesday, February 7, 2007
just being
I have been thinking a lot about why we stress ourselves out over various situations. sometimes i just have to ask myself, "why?" Why do i get all worked up about certain things? Why do i hate being uncomfortable so much? What is so bad about being right where i am? I'm always trying to live in the future. "then i will be happy." right Rach? I think i came to the unsettling realization that i don't believe life will ever be comfortable. maybe there will be a few days here and there of pure sunshine, but there always seems to be something. I feel an incredible pressure to conquer and destroy all things uncomfortable and uncertain. oh you don't know what you want to be when you grow up??? what?!?! you're 22! you need to know NOW! Can't have that. Not acceptable. You fail. Can't i just accept my situations for what they are and live them? I don't have to have control over everything right now. Can't i just experience it? It's as if sometimes we fall into a hole and we spend all of our energy frantically scraping at the sides trying to get out, when really, is being in the hole all that bad? Can't you just be in a hole for a while with the knowledge that someday you will be able to get out of that hole? Being that this world is filled with holes, it's likely we will fall in another, so why do we hate being in holes so much? Sometimes i think we focus too much on overcoming the present and living in some unrealistic future realm where things are better, that we never really stop long enough to assess our situation. chances are it's not as bad as it looks. like the pile of clothes that takes a monstrous form when absorbed in a tired glance. i just want to be more of a calm experiencer. I just want to be where i am and be okay with it. i want to love myself for everything that i am and be okay with the fact that I'm not yet everything i would like to be. Just being would be nice. oh and Rachel, you are so cool. You're not a fool. in fact i would say you are cool like ice.
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Aaron.. exactly! That is all I have to say is exactly! Have you ever ready Maxwell's talk on Patience?? I want to quote a little bit of it for you, while we are on this topic, "There is also a demension of Patience which links it to a special reverence for life. Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe- rather than pacing up and down within the cell of out circumstance. Too much anxious opening of the oven door and the cake falls instead of rising! So it is with us. If we are always selfishly taking our temperature to see if we are happy, we wont be" Soo... there it is. I join you, Aaron, on your quest to accept discomfort and be a more observant LIVER. Oh, and the concept of 'living in the question' I actally took from a quote by Rainer Maria Ri/ke.. I thought I would share that as well, "I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. dont search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, and the POINT is to LIVE EVERYTHING. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way to the answer"... Patiently live your way to the answers.. that is the only answer I have..
ReplyDeleteAaron I'm in love with this post.
ReplyDeletePretty much sums up my life over the past few months.
Life is what it is and it will never be the same as it is now... so why not enjoy the moment.
Christy... from the vegas hole.
OH aaron!! Last night at institute Bro Hansen said, "what would God say if we asked him the time? He would say 'its now'" So I decided from now on, since I never wear a watch and I really never know the time, when people ask me what time it is I am going to say, "Its NOW o'clock" man thats funny. now o'clock...
ReplyDeletealso, thanks emily ...
ReplyDeleteHey, that's me right now.
ReplyDelete